WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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