I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
