Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
