the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
