i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
