Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
