worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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