oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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