Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
