Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
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She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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