It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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