if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
