I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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