Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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