My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
