what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
