I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
