Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
