So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
