Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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