i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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