we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
