New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
