I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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