Where is the hickey?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
