woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
