Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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