i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
