WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
