I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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