dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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