I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
