I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Two words: blizzard sex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
