I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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