i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
