Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
