you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
