i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
