She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
