He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
