In the future we'll all be gay
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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