First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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