we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
