I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont even know how to be here
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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