Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
