brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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