He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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