you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
