I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
