i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
