i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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