Plan B is the new Plan A
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
