At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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