carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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