she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
