You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Couch. On fire.
I know her cup size but not her name....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
