The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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