Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
