It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
