Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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