Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
