called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
