The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I will pee on everything he values.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
