You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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