This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
