Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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