I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
