There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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